Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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