well you can't waste a boner
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
