I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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