My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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