hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
