He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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