I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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