I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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