In the future we'll all be gay
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
