If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
