Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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