You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
