im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i out mim tonsoeep
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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