you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize