And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
