In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
3 2 1 whiskey
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
