he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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