i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
is that a dick in a sweater?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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