took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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