yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
