When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize