he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
