sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
