They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's get the cat blown out
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
