3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
