you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize