the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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