Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
