People in love make me want to vomit
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
