On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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