I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
