Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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