My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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