hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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