Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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