Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
