So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
