How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
