I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had sex on a roof
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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