Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
