Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
