A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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