If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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