I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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