i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
