so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
