I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
