We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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