update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
