Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
