god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
