Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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