Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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