HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
