Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
