jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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