CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
