I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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