this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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