How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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